"Re: White Sweater"​​

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Monica Whitlock

The Orchard Enterprises, BMI, AWAL
Promise Me You'll Stay Long Enough to Hear This ℗ 2024 MoniMoves

Released on: 2024-09-23

Producer: Shannon McArthur

Guitar: Rachel Moon

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Lyrics

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You spent that summer up north

Which had a tendency to haunt. 

Mind shifting this forward

To mask Suicidal thoughts. 

I’m alive, my bones guilty  

Of past sins, 

Never brought 

To my ascension  

the attention

Of whatever it was

Back then 

You let echos write the preface 

You swore you’d never leave PA.. 

we were youthful but reckless 

I never got the chance to say—

I sealed my empty with your broken

I was screaming— 

No response 

I was selfish

But hoping 

You had the courage to move on.

Or 

You’d leave

 those pages last July

Which I never got to rewrite

You were the best part 

Of my life. 

We carve our sins into open windows 

You always told me where I’d go you’d follow 

Cigarettes, ashed on rustic  door steps 

Never thought there’d be so much more to this, now

Drinking our minds half asleep 

And falling in love

Suicidal enough, pieced me back to keep 

Holding onto the memories of moving on from the parts you stole from me

That December swallowed me whole

I decided to go and I'm sorry for leaving you here

I just thought 

After six years ago

I was ready to show that I was finally ok with being alone 

But you walked me back to my apartment anyway

We pull from maps we cannot read yet 

Like getting High or bleeding to feel something 

I swore to those sins i would never return to 

Like the edges you broke, while you were trying to hold onto the better half of me.

I just want you to know I’m alright on my own but you’ve been on my mind lately

Drinking our minds half asleep 

And falling in love

Suicidal enough, pieced me back to keep 

Holding onto the memories of moving on from the parts you stole from me

That December swallowed me whole

I decided to go and I'm sorry for leaving you here

I just thought 

After six years ago

I was ready to show that I was finally ok with being alone 

But you walked me back to my apartment anyway

 I’ve always been told 

If it makes you feel broken in any way, end it before it ends you 

However— I have found in recent months that there are far too many holes in the theory of liminality than I am responsible for fixing, Brian told me

In order to heal a wound you have to stop touching it first, 

but holy fuck 

The first time she touched me every porch light in my body shut off, because I was home when she entered

I was home and 

Home was her 

and home was the white sweater, and dimples and midweek drives to the grocery store; when she touched me I realized that exposure typically requires connection

You have to bleed to be human. 

I don’t hate myself for needing that. 

Or her

I don’t hate myself

for losing her.

I am learning how to be whole again in simple places. 

Simple moments. 

Less, bitter coffee and more engaging conversations.

Less expensive clothing and more train tickets; I’m telling you that, she will leave you

and when she does, 

you will want to fucking kill yourself 

And I don’t have any advice for getting home at this hour in this state 

But you will 

Eventually

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